(First of all, before I unload my unhappiness, depression, and all-around sick/emoness... I got a message on Facebook from that guy from last night. Arick. Haha. He sought me out! This makes me feel a little bit happier, and puts a damper on the dim mood with which I was going to write this outstanding blog.)
...I shall try anyway!!
......I am frustrated by my suddenly slightly chipper mood.
...I haven't sent anything back, just yet. I must think about what I shall say.
....I was gonna look for him, too. Haha. He found me first.
............Haha.
Anyways.
So I don't quite remember what I was going to write about, but I knew it was amazing....Let's try. Start from the beginning.
So I went to bed sometime around three-thirty last night. Didn't sleep very well, through the night itself--lots of odd dreams, not real images you know, but more like the knowledge that those things and those people were there, and all I can really recall is something about Harry and Ron and Hermione being there, and they had to go to Ravenclaw or something like that. My sister woke me up when she got ready for school, and after that I slept a little better, only with weird vivid dreams, and something about a dog and weird videos online, and finally I had a nightmare about an Inferius in the swimming pool and I woke up at, like... one.
Weird day for me, I guess. I mean, last night on the way home I was totally going through the whole New York-syndrome again, all wobbly and hallucinating-y and what not. And even after all that sleep I got I was still all weird all day--my mom thinks I might've caught a bit of a virus or something, because she's been feeling the same. Just... tired. Weak. Unhappy in general. And I kept getting these weird hot-flashes, or else I'd be really cold, even when I was outside... I dunno. All I know is I seriously sat there and shivered through the second half of that movie last night. Maybe I really did get sick or something.
So we came over to my dad's house, to babysit the dog (he's in Bakersfield for the night), and I finished Half-Blood Prince, finally. I got kind of messed up, I guess, really upset. All the Dumbledore stuff, you know. It hit me harder than usual, for some reason, maybe because I didn't feel it all last night, you know? Maybe. Or something, I dunno.
But after I finished that, I decided to pick up Deathly Hallows and continue from where I'd left off, about a month ago, which is right where Voldie kills Snape. Of course, it's also right where Harry goes back into the castle and sees everyone dead, including Fred, Tonks, and Lupin, ALL OF WHOM, just a few minutes prior to this, I had seen VERY ALIVE, and the writing and everything was so much darker, and just such a shock, too much of a transition, and I got really, really depressed. And I was thinking about how unhappy the movie made me, and about how unhappy Panic at the Disco made me, and it was an almost inexplicable and severe depression that came over me for awhile, and all I wanted to do was cry and eat chocolate ice cream and mashed potatoes (not necessarily together, of course). And I was sitting there, after I'd thrown down the book, wondering--no, wishing I could think of something indulgent that would just sort of fling me out of the funk... So I turned on the laptop and checked Facebook, and everyone's all happy with the movie (except Khawyn. She was very unhappy, which was cool with me), which upset me even more........ And then I saw that I had that message, and started writing this...
And now I don't even really remember why I was so upset! I mean, I know WHY, of course, but... I'm not much feeling it anymore.
Don't get me wrong--I'm really still upset, about a lot of things, and I still feel all weak and sick and tired and kind of messed up, but damn it all if I'm not smiling!
...I'm not certain how clear that statement came out! It means I'm totally smiling! Which I guess is a good thing.
And so you have witnessed an evolution of emotions, Marin-style. Which I think is a lucky sort of thing, because everyone always SEES the mood swings, of course, 'cause they're not exactly INCONSPICUOUS, [Gordon Ramsay is showing me how to make a soufflee. Oooh, he knows me!] [oh, that looks so delicious.] [I don't remember what I was saying before....] but everyone doesn't necessarily get the look INSIDE the crazy hormonal head, eh??! No! The answer is a resounding no!!!
(........Is it??......)
Yes--I went from severe manic irrational depression (facilitated by JK Rowling and her bizarre affinity of causing grief in her poor and unsuspecting [not really] audience; of course this doesn't make me love her any less...!!) to actual okay-ness. This is not the first time this has happened, oh no!--a small little thing triggering the abrupt switch.
Haha. Trigger like a small hug. Or a few words. Remember when Jordan used to be able to do that to me?
Eff. How sad. Maybe it's just attention. What an awful thing to say.
What an awful thing to think!
What an awful person I must be!!
....Slowly sinking down....... I really have to pee.......
[a minute or so later!]
Yeah, I feel better now. How silly! How ridiculous!!
...Why must Gordon Ramsay use the f word so much! How unnecessary!!
Well, anyway, maybe I'll write something else if I come up with something more to write about, because right now I'm pretty blank. In fact, I think I shall message Arick back....
Is that really how he spells his name? How odd!
...I shall try anyway!!
......I am frustrated by my suddenly slightly chipper mood.
...I haven't sent anything back, just yet. I must think about what I shall say.
....I was gonna look for him, too. Haha. He found me first.
............Haha.
Anyways.
So I don't quite remember what I was going to write about, but I knew it was amazing....Let's try. Start from the beginning.
So I went to bed sometime around three-thirty last night. Didn't sleep very well, through the night itself--lots of odd dreams, not real images you know, but more like the knowledge that those things and those people were there, and all I can really recall is something about Harry and Ron and Hermione being there, and they had to go to Ravenclaw or something like that. My sister woke me up when she got ready for school, and after that I slept a little better, only with weird vivid dreams, and something about a dog and weird videos online, and finally I had a nightmare about an Inferius in the swimming pool and I woke up at, like... one.
Weird day for me, I guess. I mean, last night on the way home I was totally going through the whole New York-syndrome again, all wobbly and hallucinating-y and what not. And even after all that sleep I got I was still all weird all day--my mom thinks I might've caught a bit of a virus or something, because she's been feeling the same. Just... tired. Weak. Unhappy in general. And I kept getting these weird hot-flashes, or else I'd be really cold, even when I was outside... I dunno. All I know is I seriously sat there and shivered through the second half of that movie last night. Maybe I really did get sick or something.
So we came over to my dad's house, to babysit the dog (he's in Bakersfield for the night), and I finished Half-Blood Prince, finally. I got kind of messed up, I guess, really upset. All the Dumbledore stuff, you know. It hit me harder than usual, for some reason, maybe because I didn't feel it all last night, you know? Maybe. Or something, I dunno.
But after I finished that, I decided to pick up Deathly Hallows and continue from where I'd left off, about a month ago, which is right where Voldie kills Snape. Of course, it's also right where Harry goes back into the castle and sees everyone dead, including Fred, Tonks, and Lupin, ALL OF WHOM, just a few minutes prior to this, I had seen VERY ALIVE, and the writing and everything was so much darker, and just such a shock, too much of a transition, and I got really, really depressed. And I was thinking about how unhappy the movie made me, and about how unhappy Panic at the Disco made me, and it was an almost inexplicable and severe depression that came over me for awhile, and all I wanted to do was cry and eat chocolate ice cream and mashed potatoes (not necessarily together, of course). And I was sitting there, after I'd thrown down the book, wondering--no, wishing I could think of something indulgent that would just sort of fling me out of the funk... So I turned on the laptop and checked Facebook, and everyone's all happy with the movie (except Khawyn. She was very unhappy, which was cool with me), which upset me even more........ And then I saw that I had that message, and started writing this...
And now I don't even really remember why I was so upset! I mean, I know WHY, of course, but... I'm not much feeling it anymore.
Don't get me wrong--I'm really still upset, about a lot of things, and I still feel all weak and sick and tired and kind of messed up, but damn it all if I'm not smiling!
...I'm not certain how clear that statement came out! It means I'm totally smiling! Which I guess is a good thing.
And so you have witnessed an evolution of emotions, Marin-style. Which I think is a lucky sort of thing, because everyone always SEES the mood swings, of course, 'cause they're not exactly INCONSPICUOUS, [Gordon Ramsay is showing me how to make a soufflee. Oooh, he knows me!] [oh, that looks so delicious.] [I don't remember what I was saying before....] but everyone doesn't necessarily get the look INSIDE the crazy hormonal head, eh??! No! The answer is a resounding no!!!
(........Is it??......)
Yes--I went from severe manic irrational depression (facilitated by JK Rowling and her bizarre affinity of causing grief in her poor and unsuspecting [not really] audience; of course this doesn't make me love her any less...!!) to actual okay-ness. This is not the first time this has happened, oh no!--a small little thing triggering the abrupt switch.
Haha. Trigger like a small hug. Or a few words. Remember when Jordan used to be able to do that to me?
Eff. How sad. Maybe it's just attention. What an awful thing to say.
What an awful thing to think!
What an awful person I must be!!
....Slowly sinking down....... I really have to pee.......
[a minute or so later!]
Yeah, I feel better now. How silly! How ridiculous!!
...Why must Gordon Ramsay use the f word so much! How unnecessary!!
Well, anyway, maybe I'll write something else if I come up with something more to write about, because right now I'm pretty blank. In fact, I think I shall message Arick back....
Is that really how he spells his name? How odd!
Post a Comment