No lie. It's just what they do.

I mean, commercials advertise them as HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY, with intense new anti-rip weave that prevents rips and whatnot, but NOOO, they sure as hell rip, oh yes they do.

Sooo it looks like my trip up north is being postponed for a few days. Yeah... my dad's having trouble with his bank account. Er, well... Yeah. It's alright, though. We'll just cut back a couple of the schools... As long as I see UW and Davis, I'm alright. Pluuus I really want to see Seattle University, 'cause I'd love to tell you what it's like. And I just have to be back in town by the twelfth.

.....Suddenly I have nothing real to write about. Maybe it'll come to me later.

A blog and a half? More like a quarter-blog.

More to come!

[this post has no significance whatsoever.]

EDIT!!!!!!!:

(first statement was a lie!!!)

THE EXCLAMATION POINT IS BACK!!!!!!!!!

(...what??.....)

It's two-thirty and I still can't sleep, and I'm just all aggitated about Panic. --Oops! Excuse me. I think I mean Panic!. (...Because the excl. point wasn't the sentence's ending punctuation.... So it needed a period...)

(First of all, before I unload my unhappiness, depression, and all-around sick/emoness... I got a message on Facebook from that guy from last night. Arick. Haha. He sought me out! This makes me feel a little bit happier, and puts a damper on the dim mood with which I was going to write this outstanding blog.)

...I shall try anyway!!

......I am frustrated by my suddenly slightly chipper mood.

...I haven't sent anything back, just yet. I must think about what I shall say.

....I was gonna look for him, too. Haha. He found me first.

............Haha.

Anyways.

So I don't quite remember what I was going to write about, but I knew it was amazing....Let's try. Start from the beginning.

So I went to bed sometime around three-thirty last night. Didn't sleep very well, through the night itself--lots of odd dreams, not real images you know, but more like the knowledge that those things and those people were there, and all I can really recall is something about Harry and Ron and Hermione being there, and they had to go to Ravenclaw or something like that. My sister woke me up when she got ready for school, and after that I slept a little better, only with weird vivid dreams, and something about a dog and weird videos online, and finally I had a nightmare about an Inferius in the swimming pool and I woke up at, like... one.

Weird day for me, I guess. I mean, last night on the way home I was totally going through the whole New York-syndrome again, all wobbly and hallucinating-y and what not. And even after all that sleep I got I was still all weird all day--my mom thinks I might've caught a bit of a virus or something, because she's been feeling the same. Just... tired. Weak. Unhappy in general. And I kept getting these weird hot-flashes, or else I'd be really cold, even when I was outside... I dunno. All I know is I seriously sat there and shivered through the second half of that movie last night. Maybe I really did get sick or something.

So we came over to my dad's house, to babysit the dog (he's in Bakersfield for the night), and I finished Half-Blood Prince, finally. I got kind of messed up, I guess, really upset. All the Dumbledore stuff, you know. It hit me harder than usual, for some reason, maybe because I didn't feel it all last night, you know? Maybe. Or something, I dunno.

But after I finished that, I decided to pick up Deathly Hallows and continue from where I'd left off, about a month ago, which is right where Voldie kills Snape. Of course, it's also right where Harry goes back into the castle and sees everyone dead, including Fred, Tonks, and Lupin, ALL OF WHOM, just a few minutes prior to this, I had seen VERY ALIVE, and the writing and everything was so much darker, and just such a shock, too much of a transition, and I got really, really depressed. And I was thinking about how unhappy the movie made me, and about how unhappy Panic at the Disco made me, and it was an almost inexplicable and severe depression that came over me for awhile, and all I wanted to do was cry and eat chocolate ice cream and mashed potatoes (not necessarily together, of course). And I was sitting there, after I'd thrown down the book, wondering--no, wishing I could think of something indulgent that would just sort of fling me out of the funk... So I turned on the laptop and checked Facebook, and everyone's all happy with the movie (except Khawyn. She was very unhappy, which was cool with me), which upset me even more........ And then I saw that I had that message, and started writing this...

And now I don't even really remember why I was so upset! I mean, I know WHY, of course, but... I'm not much feeling it anymore.

Don't get me wrong--I'm really still upset, about a lot of things, and I still feel all weak and sick and tired and kind of messed up, but damn it all if I'm not smiling!

...I'm not certain how clear that statement came out! It means I'm totally smiling! Which I guess is a good thing.

And so you have witnessed an evolution of emotions, Marin-style. Which I think is a lucky sort of thing, because everyone always SEES the mood swings, of course, 'cause they're not exactly INCONSPICUOUS, [Gordon Ramsay is showing me how to make a soufflee. Oooh, he knows me!] [oh, that looks so delicious.] [I don't remember what I was saying before....] but everyone doesn't necessarily get the look INSIDE the crazy hormonal head, eh??! No! The answer is a resounding no!!!

(........Is it??......)

Yes--I went from severe manic irrational depression (facilitated by JK Rowling and her bizarre affinity of causing grief in her poor and unsuspecting [not really] audience; of course this doesn't make me love her any less...!!) to actual okay-ness. This is not the first time this has happened, oh no!--a small little thing triggering the abrupt switch.

Haha. Trigger like a small hug. Or a few words. Remember when Jordan used to be able to do that to me?

Eff. How sad. Maybe it's just attention. What an awful thing to say.

What an awful thing to think!

What an awful person I must be!!

....Slowly sinking down....... I really have to pee.......

[a minute or so later!]

Yeah, I feel better now. How silly! How ridiculous!!

...Why must Gordon Ramsay use the f word so much! How unnecessary!!

Well, anyway, maybe I'll write something else if I come up with something more to write about, because right now I'm pretty blank. In fact, I think I shall message Arick back....

Is that really how he spells his name? How odd!

Dear Rocky, dear Rocky--he is so very tame!

Yes... Yes, yes, you are so very tame, aren't you my beh-beh!!!! *kissy kissy*

(Not you you, of course, I'm sure you understand. Obviously I was talking to the dog who is very tame, as it turns out... Although I am quite certain you have your own tame moments, yes?)

I am watching Sleepy Hollow (with Johnny Depp, of course), and there were just geese. Yes. There were geese, walking down the road. In a group. I do believe it would be proper to say that there were geese--a gaggle of geese.

...What is a gaggle? If I was at home, I would be able to look it up in my beloved Webster dictionary. However, as I am not there, on my bed... Well, obviously I am unable to look it up in my beloved Webster dictionary. Because I am not there. Nor is it here.

....What a concept!...

"Out pops a widow with a claim to fortune. Off pops her head!" So says Johnny Depp.

"Here is his signature. I'm afraid it was his death warrent." So he also says.

His hair is pretty. As is his nice black jacket.

"Perhaps," he now says. Then, "Really? Why is that?"

Then he shuts a book and raises an eyebrow, and answers Christina Ricci's question with one simple word: "Evidence."

...Then he screams and gets on a chair because he spies a spider. "Kill it!" he exclaims. Oh--now he's clutching onto a pole. And raises his eyebrows again!!

"The evil eye...?" he whispers seductively.

(Well, not really, but that's how I see it.)

There's a moose head on the wall! Aghh!!! It's like cannibalism!!!!!! (Only not really.... What??)

Anyways, to get on with it, as I should have done ages ago. (Now he's running through a misty and Tim Burton-like forest! How extraordinary! How unique! How attractive...)

...It's just the truth!

.::About ten minutes, and one very good website, later......::.

Frick.

That's all I can say to you right now. Frick.

Because, well, you see, I did some research the other day, on colleges. You know, mainly having to do with colleges on the coast, that I want to visit when we go on our trip at the beginning of next month. But I also did a little searching into the other big three I'm looking at: you know, NYU, U of Chicago, Northwestern.

Well, I guess my internet wasn't working right the other day or something, but when I went to NU's website I couldn't get things to come up properly. Anyway I found it difficult to navigate, and I was very disappointed when I couldn't find the creative writing MAJOR that I thought they had waiting all appealingly for me. I couldn't even find the program.

Buuut I just re-went to the site, and found the program no problem (easy-peasy lemon squeezey...), and it sounds to me like there is a writing major. In actuality, from what they say their English program is high-ranked and the writing program sounds excellent.

So, in short, I thought I'd counted out NU, which was a bit of a relief for some reason. You know. It's always just nice to know you really don't want to go somewhere. But now I like it again!!!!!!

...Grump. Ugh. Grump. I like that one a lot now!!

Actually, from what I've read on each website, I like NU's writing program better than I like U of Chicago.

Although I did see U of C's essay questions, and they were incredibly thought-provoking and sounded like fun to write. I liked them a lot. And they're always pushing all the thinking and wondering and pondering that I love. You know how I'm a-lovin' that stuff.

.......Sniff. But I still love NYU! I still love New York City!!! Ugh.... My head hurts a little bit.... Just a little bit...

I'm still really liking U of Washington, too. You know Seattle has a Subway?! I can't wait to go visit. Their program sounds pretty bob, too.

....I meant bomb. What happened to the M?! The key doesn't always work properly...

...Miranda Richardson, in this movie, totally reminds me of Meryl Streep. That's pretty cool, I guess. I loved her in Phantom (Miranda Richardson, I mean... not Meryl Streep.... Tho' I did love Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada!...). She was bomb.

Haha. She was bob.

Stuff is pretty bob. Everything's bob. You know what, Andrea? Your dad is bob.

...Haha.

I made a funny.

Okay--so. Here we go with the list, right here right now, so far. [colon]

... : ....

New York University ('cause everytime I think of NYU my heart beats really fast)
Northwestern
University of Chicago (might look into discounting that, who knows)
University of Washington (Seattle campus, of course; to be seen)
umm....
UC Davis ('cause the program's so bob. Also going to look into it, on the way back)
ummmm.....

I guess I'll apply at Fresno State, just in case something really bad happens. Always gotta have that safety net, right? And my mom says it's about, what? Seventeen thousand? Pretty much everything I'm looking at tends to be up somewhere in the thirties...

But, I mean, the thing that tends to happen with the big schools is they give out a lot of money, right? Clinging to the hope...

...This has been a really long blog. Maybe it'll make up for all the blogs I HAVEN'T written in the past few days. Hooray for..... Suddenly I lost the word. It almost means "making up for"...

Collateral? No........ Contributional? Noo........ Why can't I remember? vocab is out lately...

Johnny Depp is about to get eaten by the Headless Horseman (who, my sister wants to tell you, just flew. Yes, he did flew. He flew off the "horse-cart-thing.")

Real quick, by the way, I did look at Reed. Holy crap. I'm totally visiting that one too. It sounds amazing. Trouble is, I can't quite remember why right now...! ....I'm totally wrapped up in the Johnny Depp.

Agh!! Headless Horseman=Christopher Walken!!!??? (I already knew that...) He has creepy toofies, like Topher Grace.....

LATER: Compensation!!! Hooray for compensation!!!!!!!

So I pretty much hate life right now.

Too bad it's all my doing, too, you know.

I wish I could drive, so I could go places.

I wish I could go places, instead of sitting around that damn apartment.

I hate that apartment. I can't... even.... DESCRIBE, in WORDS, how much I hate that place. I don't even like hating things! I say that all the time--don't hate! Hate is such a strong word! Yeah, well. I hate that place.

I wish my grandma would stop trying to be so helpful, because it just makes me angry.

I wish I could go out and do stuff, so that I don't feel like I'm wasting time. Because I am. Wasting time, I mean. I've got a month and a little bit more, and then I've gotta go back to school all early and whatnot, and then... Blah. You know. School. Then college.

I could be out making something of myself. Or at least spending time with my friends.

Let's have a party. Seriously. I don't care where it is. Let's just put out a mass invitation to go see a movie or something.

I'm just so grumpy and frustrated because I can't DO anything. And all the while I sit around and think about how I can't DO anything it's like there's this CLOCK and it's ticking away, ticking away in my brain and it's SCREAMING AT ME "go DO something 'cause you're gonna have to go to college soon and you'll never get the chance to do anything with your friends AGAIN" and I'm just PARALYZED by that awful thought that I'm STUCK, and just trapped in that damn apartment because I can't drive anywhere, and and and and and I don't even know what to say anymore, because I'm just so stuck and my ANXIETY IS FLARING UP AND I CAN'T EVEN SPELL THINGS RIGHT.

...Anxiety........ anxiety........... ah.... anxiety......

And I think maybe I should suggest something to do, but every time I try to think of something I'm paralyzed. That's it, Andwah, I'm paralyzed. It's like some unholy sort of Mind Sabotage. Honestly. It's just like when you're lying awake in the darkness at night, and all of a sudden your mind just shoves these freaky images before your eyes, and you get totally freaked out for no real reason. Sabotage.

Maybe I need help--like seriously. Quack! Call for a quack!!

(...... I just saw a duck.... a duck, walking across a road.... and quacking.... and saying, "And how does that make you feel?"...)

And searching for colleges makes it even worse. I just want to know where I'm going. I want to say I'm going to NYU, and have it over with.

(PS: that guy with the green pants was totally Jared. I can see it now. Haha.)

I was in the middle of writing a brilliant blog entry--it could have changed the world, that one could've--and then something randomly happened and I was taken back to the homepage.

Weepy weepy weepy...

More to come, I guess, 'cause I've got nothing better to do.

EXCEPT nibble on my Subway five-dollar-footlong. Or, at least, what's left of it. <3

Mikey it is, then.

Yeah, he was only Andrew temporarily because Drew is, like, my favorite name right now. I knew it didn't fit him. He's a little too short.

So that one drum major we saw last night could TOTALLY have been Allen. 'Cept Allen's hair is longer, and maybe he's a little shorter, but they had the same general shape. Where was he from? Blue Devils, I think, right? Maybe I'll look him up.

I wonder who that Lip Ring Kid was? He was pretty, wasn't he? Hmm....

I feel like writing again--you know, it's that weird emotion that sort of bubbles up inside you, and you wish you could let it out, find an outlet for it all, but you just can't work up the motivation to DO something about it. Ahh... drives me insane.

.:: several hours later ::.

...........What happened?

I was going to post this... Or at least finish it... But... somehow.... I got away from it..... What? Nothing's making sense!?

My brain is weird right now. Probably 'cause I had that huge chocolate milkshake.

Mmm.... Tasty.... Tastey.... See? Can't spell again!?

...Bye-bye! *waves, falls asleep*

Late-night extention to the last bloggie bit.

Freddie-wannabe---I named him Andrew. I don't like it; too manly, old. Makes me think of Drew on the basketball team.

Mikey or Nicky? (Michael, Nicholas) What do you think??

Ah, yes. The crazy character. The character tortured by his/her own insanity, the voices in his/her head, the mad urges that overcome body and soul and logic, the blank spots in his/her memory, only to wake up covered in blood and chicken feathers.........

....I think that was a reference to Chamber of Secrets. ...Don't quote me on that one.

Anyways, I believe I would like to do some more work with crazy characters. I know it sounds harsh, insensitive, something to that effect, but I think they're fun. You know. Human nature, emotions, logic--those are my favorite things to delve into, when I do my serious writing. An analysis of the mind--explaining how concrete a thing can be in one's mind, if one really believes it, even if it doesn't exist--I mean, that's the whole concept the last twenty-ish thousand words of my Whack BANG is based on. None of it exists, and yet it's so real.

!!!!! I love your new idea. I'd love to read something like that, honestly. You gotta make 'em BELIEVE! If your main character/narrator (whichever POV you're headed for) believes it hard enough, then so will we, your ever-faithful audience!!!! That's what I think, anyway.

So, yeah. Crazy people are fun. Now Imma feelin like exploring a different-ish side of human nature, or something like that.

[Yum. My mum's bringing me KFC. Their mashed potatoes are, as the young people say, BOMB.

Ohp. Out comes the Sierra Mist again. *glug glug glug*]

Anyways, I'm looking into returning to love. Elsewise, attraction, crushes, which is something I've sort of thought about before... But, you know, from a different side. You know Jake, that chick I told you about? She's got a thing for Allen Page, but so does this other kid. I don't know what his name is, yet, but for some God-awful reason, every time I picture him I see Freddie from iCarly. Why is this? And why is it only BABY Freddie? Why do these things happen to me??

Yeah... I think it's just a real short story, just to get me writing again. Exercise! *does stoutness exercises... "Up-down-up-when I up, down, touch the ground, it puts me in the mood....."* I wanna play with Freddie-wannabe. I guess he's not so much homosexual as just has a bit of a man-crush--they're close friends. The bit opens up with Jake walking up to him and saying, "I think we have the same problem." Or something.

...Which is a recurring phrase in Whack BANG, by the way. "Or something." I think the explanation goes something like, Who needs concrete answers when you can just wave it all away with an easy, noncommittal "or something"?

....Or something.

....This blog entry feels like it has been very unproductive. Huh. I think I'm just awed into stupidity after your stunning idea. You know, I like it more as the minutes go by. Haha. We shall discuss it tomorrow, at LENGTH.

Oh, by the way, my grandma said we can pick you up around five-thirty-ish tomorrow, so we can get to the stadium nice and early--and I want to get there early. BUT I also told her I wasn't quite certain when your parents would get home, so once they do you can give me a jingle and we'll pop on over!

(that whole sentence sounded really lame... Lame-o..... SUPER FAIL!!!! with a cape...)


EDIT: It turns out there's not much to do on the internet, after all.....

I got 710s on both of my SAT IIs!!!! Woohoo!!! Perhaps life is looking up....?

I'm housesitting for my dad today--he's out of town. Poor Rocky-dog. He just can't take care of himself. Anyways, the prospect is semi-good, as I have to cans of spaghettios, two packs of instant miso, a box of Hot Pockets, and half a footlong from Subway in the fridge. Pluuuuuuuus a big ol' bottle of Sierra Mist. WHOLE bottle.

Ah. Scratch that. Not a WHOLE bottle anymore.

Ohhhh... Sweet, sweet, sweet carbonation.....

I've got music on, and I'm sitting up against a wall in the hallway--plugged into the internet AND the wall in my dad's room. Wireless still isn't working, so I'm hooked up to this funky yellow cord. Buuuut he got a power cord that plugs into the back of the laptop! No more fatso docking station!!! Or, at least, while I'm borrowing this cord... Hopefully he can get me one for myself! (love) Anyways, I'm pretty comfortable. Internet on laptop is effing HEAVEN, as far as I'm concerned.

If Heaven has Sierra Mist. Which, right now, it does.

What's the point in using a cup when no one else is gonna drink any? There isn't one--I'm tellin' you that. I said I'm tellin' you that.

Unfortunately, my mom won't let me spend the night here on my own, which I think is just ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to do things by myself by now, but whatever.....

See, she told me that if I could get someone else to spend the night with me, she wouldn't have to stay. And she kind of doesn't want to, because she's got stuff going on tomorrow. But I doubt anyone would be able to stay the night without adult supervision.... Because we're not seventeen years old or anything, I mean, seriously, I don't know what you're talking about.........

I'm not sure if you'll read this before I get the chance to phone you (I have my cell, by the way), but if you do I suppose you can turn me down in comment form. Maybe, just maybe, you won't have to. Maybe--just maybe--you would be able to stay. And we could write, 'cause I feel like it. And watch movies. And write, because there's not much else too do, honestly. It's the perfect writing sanctuary. Not very many distractions... Kind of marooned here.....

Plus, we could just truck it on down to Foster's, which is literally a fifteen minute trip two-ways, and get some tasty milkshakes, or late-night grilled cheeses. Eh? Eh?

(Canadian?? Eh??? Eh??!)

Yes, I feel like writing again. And I think I've figured a way out to move me gradually from the Whack BANG world back into the open state of mind in which a writer must find herself to produce anything good. I shall do a side-story in that universe! Aww, yeah, man. Pre-Whack Bang. Allen's the feature, 'cause I want to bring him to life again. And no Maggie in the picture at all. And I can use my new character, Jake (who's a girl). Hoorah.

I also figured out just where my ending went (because it came out, but I didn't really get it at the time). Yes, figured it out. Menendian's voice was just rattling around in my brain, so I decided to take what he always said and make it work to my advantage: "Are we satisfied with this ending? Can we believe it? Is that what really happened?" (Even though he hesitates to use such a word...) I need to tweek some things, fix it up, but I kind of doubt anyone will catch it when they read. I might need your help on that.

Well, talk to you later. Thought it was worth a chance, just asking you about it. Maybe you can come, probably not. 'Sall good. Anyways, we have the show tomorrow. Can't even tell you how excited I am about that. I got my hair done all cute today--pre-senior pictures, you know--so maybe I'll still retain some of that cuteness tomorrow night, we'll see.

EDIT:::: Hoodlum has a Facebook. Haha. *snigger snigger*.....

Andrea still has not gifted me with a comment. How cruel of her.

I have nothing to write about, and yet doing so felt so necessary! I wonder why... I ponder... I ponder about my existence in the universe, about my place in it... I wonder why I think about boys so much... I wonder why I always go to the grocery store hoping I'll see that one person there, even though I know it's, like, physiologically or metaphysically or something to that affect impossible that he is there. Duh.

But I am also hungry. I wish I still had that bag of barbeque chips, because they were quite tasty.

A quiz on Facebook told me that my nickname is 75-or-something percent sexy. That's "pretty sexy." Who knew? (That question mark was meant to sound like more of a period, as the question was more of a sarcastic statement, with little or no voice inflection, rendering the question mark pretty obsolete, anyways.) There I go again!

Allow me to begin this blog with the fact that (Strunk and White despise that little phrase) I dislike Blogger/Blogspot/whatever.

Allow me to continue with the fact that I just tried to spell the word "phrase" like this: frace.

...Which is face with an extra r. ...Frace.

Or lace, except with an Fr. Or France, minus the n. Did you catch any of those? In any case, it does not in the slightest resemble the word "phrase," which is what I intended to type.

Ahem. This whole blogging thing is more difficult than I seem to remember. Especially after reading your blog just now--your newest entry. I am quite intimidated at your expertise and the obvious ease with which your blogging abilities come to you.

...I'm writing myself in circles lately. I'm pretty sure that sentence didn't make much sense, if it made any sense at all. Ahh... my head....

My profile picture on Facebook has ceased working. I tried to change it, and now it's just a little x-box (not the gaming system, I'm sure you understand). How frustrating! Infuriating! Incarcerating, and salivating, and circumnavigating!!!!

..............................

More to come when my mind is about me. Tho', perhaps in retrospect, some of the best writing comes when your mind isn't quite about you. Take, for instance, Lewis Carroll, whose name is probably spelled very incorrectly, as is everything else in this blog. His Alice in Wonderland rocks out loud, and he was probably on LSD the whole time! (LSD, not LCD, which I have a tendancy to want to say, and I think I just spelled "tendancy" wrong, too. I bet you anything it's "tendency").

...Or something.

Just to make sure this is gonna work out for me. Uh...... yah.

........Shall I do a dance?