So I pretty much hate life right now.
Too bad it's all my doing, too, you know.
I wish I could drive, so I could go places.
I wish I could go places, instead of sitting around that damn apartment.
I hate that apartment. I can't... even.... DESCRIBE, in WORDS, how much I hate that place. I don't even like hating things! I say that all the time--don't hate! Hate is such a strong word! Yeah, well. I hate that place.
I wish my grandma would stop trying to be so helpful, because it just makes me angry.
I wish I could go out and do stuff, so that I don't feel like I'm wasting time. Because I am. Wasting time, I mean. I've got a month and a little bit more, and then I've gotta go back to school all early and whatnot, and then... Blah. You know. School. Then college.
I could be out making something of myself. Or at least spending time with my friends.
Let's have a party. Seriously. I don't care where it is. Let's just put out a mass invitation to go see a movie or something.
I'm just so grumpy and frustrated because I can't DO anything. And all the while I sit around and think about how I can't DO anything it's like there's this CLOCK and it's ticking away, ticking away in my brain and it's SCREAMING AT ME "go DO something 'cause you're gonna have to go to college soon and you'll never get the chance to do anything with your friends AGAIN" and I'm just PARALYZED by that awful thought that I'm STUCK, and just trapped in that damn apartment because I can't drive anywhere, and and and and and I don't even know what to say anymore, because I'm just so stuck and my ANXIETY IS FLARING UP AND I CAN'T EVEN SPELL THINGS RIGHT.
...Anxiety........ anxiety........... ah.... anxiety......
And I think maybe I should suggest something to do, but every time I try to think of something I'm paralyzed. That's it, Andwah, I'm paralyzed. It's like some unholy sort of Mind Sabotage. Honestly. It's just like when you're lying awake in the darkness at night, and all of a sudden your mind just shoves these freaky images before your eyes, and you get totally freaked out for no real reason. Sabotage.
Maybe I need help--like seriously. Quack! Call for a quack!!
(...... I just saw a duck.... a duck, walking across a road.... and quacking.... and saying, "And how does that make you feel?"...)
And searching for colleges makes it even worse. I just want to know where I'm going. I want to say I'm going to NYU, and have it over with.
(PS: that guy with the green pants was totally Jared. I can see it now. Haha.)
Too bad it's all my doing, too, you know.
I wish I could drive, so I could go places.
I wish I could go places, instead of sitting around that damn apartment.
I hate that apartment. I can't... even.... DESCRIBE, in WORDS, how much I hate that place. I don't even like hating things! I say that all the time--don't hate! Hate is such a strong word! Yeah, well. I hate that place.
I wish my grandma would stop trying to be so helpful, because it just makes me angry.
I wish I could go out and do stuff, so that I don't feel like I'm wasting time. Because I am. Wasting time, I mean. I've got a month and a little bit more, and then I've gotta go back to school all early and whatnot, and then... Blah. You know. School. Then college.
I could be out making something of myself. Or at least spending time with my friends.
Let's have a party. Seriously. I don't care where it is. Let's just put out a mass invitation to go see a movie or something.
I'm just so grumpy and frustrated because I can't DO anything. And all the while I sit around and think about how I can't DO anything it's like there's this CLOCK and it's ticking away, ticking away in my brain and it's SCREAMING AT ME "go DO something 'cause you're gonna have to go to college soon and you'll never get the chance to do anything with your friends AGAIN" and I'm just PARALYZED by that awful thought that I'm STUCK, and just trapped in that damn apartment because I can't drive anywhere, and and and and and I don't even know what to say anymore, because I'm just so stuck and my ANXIETY IS FLARING UP AND I CAN'T EVEN SPELL THINGS RIGHT.
...Anxiety........ anxiety........... ah.... anxiety......
And I think maybe I should suggest something to do, but every time I try to think of something I'm paralyzed. That's it, Andwah, I'm paralyzed. It's like some unholy sort of Mind Sabotage. Honestly. It's just like when you're lying awake in the darkness at night, and all of a sudden your mind just shoves these freaky images before your eyes, and you get totally freaked out for no real reason. Sabotage.
Maybe I need help--like seriously. Quack! Call for a quack!!
(...... I just saw a duck.... a duck, walking across a road.... and quacking.... and saying, "And how does that make you feel?"...)
And searching for colleges makes it even worse. I just want to know where I'm going. I want to say I'm going to NYU, and have it over with.
(PS: that guy with the green pants was totally Jared. I can see it now. Haha.)
Don't fret so much Marin. I love you, it's only a couple of days.
So, did you get Connie's invite to her party next week? It's on Facebook.
Next week we'll do stuff. Maybe you can come over Sunday night of something of that nature. *nods* And we'll do amazing things. Maybe (on a Tues-Thurs) we can take the bus to Clark and swim. Albeit, there'll be children about... yeah, the public gets it the same time as Campus Club... and it's 3 dollars. But we'd be cool...as in not hot. Although I think we are quite chouette as well.
*cry* I don't want us all to be apart. Chances are, people get jobs in and around where they go to college... I don't want to live that far apart forever! I love you Rin! You have to be here with me, like, forever!!!! You can be my kid's Auntie Rin. ^^
(FLOO POWDER POWER FLOO POWDER POWER!) <--- HP THE MUSICAL=Totally Awesome!
Anyways, tomorrow's a holiday. Have fun with your family. Love you muchly!
And-Chan
dude, my "human check" thing I had to type in for that comment was: humbeh.
COOL!
Hey, I've posted 6 BLOGS but have received no commments... :'-(